We're Busy Doing Nothing

Perhaps I will just keep a log about my heart and record my medication ingestion as well because like most people they do forget their prescriptions at times but I can ill afford that when my heart beat is at stake.  

So being Monday the 30th Memorial Day I fortunately had the good fortune of remembering because I did not have the ‘rush’ of my day as I struggle with the song that typifies my working life so often and that’s “We’re Busy Doing Nothing Working the Whole Day Through”. 

And now Tuesday has me free for yet another day. 

Episodes Saturday and Sunday May 28, 29 2011

I may not have LVH but I am still in the throes of my A-Fib. I need to record them and their severity. I worked out extremely hard on Saturday in my KSC class and today I did not when I merely rode for an hour in the streets of Greenlawn. 

I should note that this week was a particularly stressful one in terms of my home life and my work. A friend intimated that stress and exercise might be a lethal combination. I know that I just have to pull back and ease up on that resistance wheel.  

In terms of severity I would have to categorize them as severe because I don't have mild episodes now. I have started taking a new drug Multaq and I falsely thought that it had the desired effect but if it will or not remains to be seen. 

A Quiet Heart

My theory about exercising through my 'heartache' was shot full of holes just recently, but since then about two weeks now my heart has kept a low profile maybe because my plate is full and it wants to keep quiet. 

What Words Could Never Say

Even though I don’t have LVH I have decided at least for once to add another entry into Living With Big Heart. My atrial fibrillation is occurring with increasing frequency albeit it with no certain regularity. My last episode lasted from one day into the next even though it did not keep me from the somnolent state I did wake up “speeding” and out of breath with the least amount of effort. As I chronicled in my spin blog I thought that intensity of the spin would usher me back to a regular HR but it did no such thing. 

I know my life is changing before my very eyes and it’s the heart that is telling me more than words and thoughts could ever say. 

The Knife

My heart tells my mind what to say. It is a lyric from a song by Hall & Oates I think.  I loved that dynamic duo.  But it is not my heart that is the problem; it is my ego.  My heart knows the words my ego doesn’t know how to edit.  This is the real malady that vexes me.   It is in the breaking of hearts that I have been most unaccustomed to. I fear that once I do break them I have to save face in some fashion. I know now that that is preposterous. I have found the key to freedom and now that I have admitted this to myself I will have to use it more openly. Always though with discretion of course because it can become an abuse of power which I have learned is like being cut with a dull edged knife, very painful.   

Black and Red

My big heart is breaking the bonds that I once thought were unbreakable. I felt that way because I was committed and because I was happy. I am neither now and as much as I feel saddened by it all I know that I gave more than I got and I can leave with my balance sheet in the black even though my face is red.  

Lucid Dreaming

My heart has been behaving and hence you hear little out of me on this blog. However, I had that recurring lucid dream of falling forward on my spin bike. Into cardiac arrest I went and I had a few words to say before I left the confines of this earth.  Ask me what I said.