There is no excuse I tell myself. And when I rat myself out for not taking my meds there is always a price to pay. It is not the attention I seek, it is the rebellious nature that still plagues the undercurrent of arrogance in my unconscious. And the only way for me to accept my plight is to establish firmly that the risk I take for sudden death is increased dramatically. If it is only 1% the chance is too great. I have too many people that I am responsible for and even though I do not rely on it, there are those that love me deeply as well.
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